Frequently Asked Questions about EC
If you’re intrigued by EC but finding yourself a bit hesitant, read on – here are answers to some of the most common questions parents ask about EC.
Won’t EC lead parents to pressure or coerce their kids to get them out of diapers early?
EC is not about having the first toilet-independent baby on the block, and it’s definitely not intended for someone who is looking for a quick-fix toilet-training method. Toilet independence is not the focus of EC any more than weaning is the point of breastfeeding. When you practice EC, you’re focusing on the process (mutual communication and responsiveness between you and your child), not the result (toilet independence). There’s no timetable, no deadline as to when your child is supposed to be out of diapers. EC “graduation” (toilet independence) can occur anywhere from before age one (preceded by months of being mostly dry) to close to the age of a conventionally toilet-trained child. The difference with EC is that your child knows all along that a diaper is not the only place to eliminate. Also, throughout the EC journey you are likely going through fewer diapers, which is great for your wallet and for the environment. Finally, many babies who struggle against diaper changes or the feeling of eliminating in a diaper become calmer and happier once their parents start to tune into their desire for a more hygienic way of dealing with elimination.
Isn’t EC overwhelming for parents, especially in our society? Who has time to hover over her baby all the time?
EC, like most other parenting practices, does require a certain degree of willingness to be responsive to your child. But most parents find that constant monitoring is counterproductive. EC works best when practiced in a relaxed manner.
Contrary to popular belief, plenty of parents practice EC part-time. The Diaper-Free Baby has lots of examples of working parents, for instance, who practice EC only occasionally (and there are many stay-at-home EC’ing parents who practice EC occasionally as well). EC is EC no matter to what degree it’s done. You reap the benefits of communication and bonding and avoid total diaper-reliance even if you practice EC just once in awhile. I recommend starting out slowly, at a time when your baby’s diaper might be off anyway – such as during a diaper change or before or after a bath. Once you are in sync with your child and have a feel for his rhythms, EC can be as easy as it is to recognize when your child is hungry or sleepy.
If you’re wondering about frequency and picturing yourself whisking baby off to the toilet every few minutes, consider this: Children who are diapered exclusively from birth and lose their bodily awareness can experience diminished sphincter control (leading people to conclude wrongly that babies aren’t capable of being aware of or controlling their elimination), but EC’ed children intuitively and effortlessly employ those muscles and typically aren’t going to the bathroom constantly. A typical pattern for some EC’ed infants and toddlers is to pee a few times in the morning after waking up, but to go for several hours-long stretches later on in the day when they might be out and about. Many parents report their very young infants communicating that they have to eliminate and then briefly waiting until they can be held over an appropriate receptacle to avoid dirtying themselves. All children are unique, though, and the practice of EC encourages parents to take note of their own individual child’s patterns and responses and figure out what level of EC works best for their family’s needs at the time.
Isn’t it training the parent, not the child? And won’t my child regress later on once she stops wanting to “please” me?
EC is a mutual process between parent and child. Just as our babies learn that when they let us know they are hungry or tired, we will respond appropriately, they understand that they can let us know about their elimination needs too and trust that we will respond. A parent who responds to her child this way is merely acknowledging and respecting her preverbal child’s communication. I think it’s a valuable parenting skill to sense what your child is feeling and be able to respond to and assist her. If that’s what being “trained” is, it’s not a negative.
Parents who practice EC usually don’t find power struggles with their children to be an issue because 1) toileting is simply a natural bodily function. Eliminating in a toilet is merely a fact of life that the child has long been accustomed to. And 2) EC’ers typically avoid the use of praise, bribes, rewards, punishments, or other such coercive tactics. With EC, your baby’s pride and pleasure in her bodily functions belong to her and no one else. When she’s not doing it to please you, but simply because it feels good and right to her, there’s nothing to struggle against.
Does going diaper-free means you’ll have a mess all over your house?
EC doesn't mean that you actually need to go diaperless. This misconception has probably kept some interested parents from even starting EC, because they can't fathom quite how it's done. (My own husband was pretty skeptical about EC at first because he thought it meant we'd have pee all over the house). In reality, it's better to think about going “diaper-free” as freeing yourself from an exclusive reliance on diapers and recognizing that you have other options for dealing with elimination. While some parents do have their children in underwear from infancy, others use a variety of coverings ranging from disposable diapers, cloth diapers with or without covers, or training pants. What most parents do is use diaper backup as much as suits their purposes. Eventually, when they realize that they're getting so many catches in the potty that they find themselves throwing out one worn but dry disposable after another or hardly dipping into their stash of cloth diapers, it makes sense for them to switch to underwear or increase “diaper-free” time.
Incidentally, parents often also appreciate the ease of cleanup when their child is eliminating in a toilet or potty rather than into a diaper. No more blow-outs, leaks, or endless wiping. As one EC'ing parent says, “With EC, you'll sometimes have messes. Without EC, you'll have messes all the time.“
I just found out about EC, and my child is one year old. Is it too late for us to begin?
Because EC is first and foremost about expanding communication between parent and child, I encourage all parents who seek ways to be in tune with their child to give it a try, no matter the age of the child.
Ideally, elimination communication is begun early in infancy. The longer a child spends eliminating exclusively in diapers, the more likely it is that the child will lose his awareness of elimination. However, many parents – including myself with my first child – successfully help their older baby or toddler reawaken his bodily awareness and establish wonderful ways of communicating with the child about his bodily functions. It’s important to be attuned to possible windows of opportunity as well. If you have a toddler who is trying to use a potty, who is clearly uncomfortable in dirty diapers, or is otherwise communicating an awareness of elimination, you have a great opportunity to encourage her sense of bodily autonomy and avoid the possibility of her become attached to her diapers. The Diaper Free Baby discusses embarking on EC with an older child in detail.
Even if a child is out of diapers at age 1 or so, he still needs some assistance with dressing, wiping, or washing hands. Don’t you think this means he’s not really “trained” like an older child would be?
In general, an EC “graduate” is a child who is pretty much using the toilet consistently for elimination and no longer having misses (accidents). Parents may still be offering opportunities to the child or accompanying him to the toilet, and in fact, my chats in the bathroom with my young sons long provided welcome downtime for us during a hectic day. If your child is ready and happy to use a toilet for elimination and is able to let you know when he feels the need to eliminate, those are the most important aspects of toilet independence.
My friend likens EC graduation with eating; even when a young child has completely weaned and is eating solids, he’ll still need help cutting up his food, you’ll still be monitoring to determine if you should offer him a snack before an outing to keep his energy up, and so forth. I really like this comparison and find it helps parents make sense of their continued, loving role in the life of their EC graduate.
